This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of vitaminID. All opinions are 100% mine.
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When I was in high school, I dreamed of someday being a person that could make a difference in the life of someone else. I wanted to be a nurse, and be able to help those who were sick. Unfortunately, when I went to college I quickly discovered, that wanting to be a nurse, and being able to handle the sight of blood are not the same thing. So while, I’m not a mission trip, helping the people of these great countries, I am making a difference in the lives of kids.
Through being a great mom to my kids, by being great at my job, and making each one of our “clients” (KIDS) feel as though they are the most important person in the world, at the time they are in my office. That is how I make a difference, and who knows, perhaps the child that is in my office today will be a doctor of tomorrow, and because of the positive impact I had on him/her this child will go on to do “good deeds” as well.
Last week I attended a state-wide conference for my company, I am a county level employee. I was dreading going, because I’ve always attended a different conference, with my co-workers. I know more people, and it’s in my comfort zone. Since I took this new position, I’ve moved up to this conference. Makes for an interesting switch, as walking in the door, I wasn’t sure if I really should be there.
At this conference I would say roughly 350 employees attended.
The President, two of the largest department heads, the CFO, DFO, Regional Directors (we have 20), and several field staff, sought me out to tell me I was doing great things, and to tell me to keep it up. My biggest surprise was having one of the department heads come up to say hello, and I went to shake his hand and he gives me a huge hug in front of one my board of director members. He didn’t know who she was, and he said “I wanted to let you know how sorry I was to hear of your loss,… I’m really looking forward to working on Project XYZ with you this winter.” We had a little discussion, all the while this board member is standing there looking at me, with shock. I addressed the man by his first name, not Dr. so and so.” Another Dept head came up and similar thing happened – I also addressed her by her first name and not Doctor. After they had left, it was time to go into our next break-out session, the board member turned to me and asked: How do they know you? I reminded her, that I’ve been working with field staff on certain projects, and that these Drs. were involved and impressed with what I was doing. So they asked for me to be involved with a new project. I had been working with them so closely, that they had asked that I call them by their first names. By the time we were done with one project, I know of their kids and have seen pictures of their grandkids. They in turn, know I’m married, have pan and tink.
(My regional director had explained why I missed a different conference last week, due to my grandmothers funeral. Several of them had sent a card, or a quick email, but for them to seek me out and give me a hug at this conference was just amazing to me.)
Another surprise for me was that several times my county was praised for the way we are operating. The field staff kept saying “If we could duplicate what is going on in county ‘X’; FG is doing a great job! I didn’t think any of them were noticing, but they did. Made me feel great!
This week will be busy – but I only have one night meeting – whew! But have a few reports, and payroll items, and need to get an after-school program ironed out before Wednesday. This is going to be one of those – the staff member either does it – or she’s gone type things, and she isn’t going to be happy about it.
Never have I felt that I have lost so much and gained just as much in a week’s time.
On Thursday night, I got the call from my mom, my Grandma was in the hospital, and if I could – I might want to come up on Friday after work, or Saturday. Any sleep I did get was not at all restful.
On Friday morning, I got a second call – The doctor was telling my mom to call in the family. Grandma wanted to go surrounded by her family. So on Friday I went into the office, and got done as much as I needed to. Without asking, without wanting to wait, I headed up north. Calling Mr. I as I was on the road, letting him know that I didn’t know what time I’d be home, but I’d be home in time for Lego League on Saturday.
I got there at 3:00 and walked into hospital hallway filled with family – and I mean FILLED, they were in the room with Grandma, in the room at the end of the hall – we had the wing to the family, basically entire hospital wing was filled with my family. And doctors orders were – the room was to be filled with family as much as possible, and it was. I sat by her bed and held her hand. Kept her cool with a wash cloth, and doing what could be done to keep her comfortable. The only time I wasn’t holding her hand, I was with my mom. My Dad was on a work-site and wasn’t able to leave right away. He would end up getting there late Friday night. I stayed there until midnight- got home about 2 a.m.
Saturday – Made blueberry muffins to take to Lego League (9 to 12); and then we took Tink to Chuck*.e.* cheese for her birthday, after putting together my first ever homemade lasagna and putting it into the oven, I went back up north. Leaving home at 5:30 pm. Grandma was slowing fading, and my sister was certain, if I made good time… Again I went in, said my good-byes, I love you’s and talked to her. I held her hand, and we talked about fishing at the cabin, all the memories, playing in the leaves, and just lazy Sunday afternoons sitting her in living room with the winter sun coming in the windows. We talked about heaven, and how it was time for her to go be with Grandpa Ray, that he was waiting for her. (Okay, I talked, she smiled, patted my hand, winked and occasionally said something.) She was most talkative at night. She would have periods of quiet – but then there would be times when she would talk, picking up pieces of conversation where she fell asleep during, or that we were having in the room.
By the time I arrived Saturday the only ones at the hospital were my family – my Mom, Dad, two older sisters and two younger brothers. We sat as a family around her bed, we held hands and said prayers, sang, and as weird as it sounds we encouraged Grandma to walk up the golden stairs to be with Grandpa. To take her son’s hand and walk up the stairs. She would say – “No, I can’t walk the stairs.” and my sister told her – “Grandma, your legs and knees will work, you can do it.!” All the while we sat there with tears streaming down our faces, wanting her stay, yet knowing it was time for her to go. She would talk – only it wasn’t to us, we all knew she was talking to her daddy & mama, her son, and Grandpa Ray. It was the most beautiful and heartbreaking experience.
Saturday at 1:30 in the morning, I had to come home. We were supposed to be at a family function for my Dad’s side of the family by noon, there was no way I would be able to function, I had to get some sleep. I got home around 2:30/3:00 ish – fell into bed, and tried to sleep. Sleep finally came around 4.
Sunday 8:00 a.m. – I wake up to realize that I’ve slept longer than I should – as I needed to make something to take to the family potluck, and we would have to leave the house in an hour to be there at a reasonable time. The debate going on in my head was – should we (my family) stop at the hospital before going to hometown for dinner. At which point, my sister L calls – she says, yes, come bring the kids…. and then Sister K calls – she says – I’m headed home, baby brother has headed home, the only ones at the hospital are our Aunts and Uncles, and my sis L, and my brother B – but they have nowhere else to go. We decide not to go to the hospital….and then I start yawning, and Mr. I looks at me and says – “You know it’s okay to stay home”… and the phone rang, older sis L was saying, you know – if you don’t want to do anything today – maybe you should say home. We did. I took a short nap. (2 hrs of sleep)
5:20 – I get a call from my Dad…. at 5:15 on Sunday night Grandma went to Heaven to be with Grandpa. Sunday Night, I slept horribly -
Monday – I slept horribly…
Tuesday – slept horribly
Wednesday – the day of the funeral – at this point, I’ve probably had 33 hours of sleep since last Thursday. I’m emotionally spent. I miss my Grandma horribly, and I think I’ve watched my mom age 10 years over the past few days … this has been incredibly hard on her….
A shock to me – my regional director attended the funeral, he along with my regional counterparts sent the most beautiful yellow mum; and the gals from the office sent a peace lily with an angel.
I took Thursday and Friday off with the hopes that I would rest, and ‘catch up’ on some sleep. I did get some sleep on Thursday, and Friday we worked around the house. Note to self: When I’m sad, I shouldn’t be allowed to trim the shrubs around the yard. I told Mr. I that they should come back next spring. I know you are only supposed to take 1/3 of the growth off at a time, but they really needed to be cut back. The shrubs were probably 10 feet tall, and now are closer to 4 feet.
Saturday the in-laws came and spent some time with the kids. This is the first time we’ve spoken to them since June. It went okay, a little uncomfortable, but it was okay. Of course to me it felt as if there was a big elephant standing in the corner of the room, that everyone was pretending wasn’t there. The kids were happy to see Papa and G’ma; and in the end I guess that is all that matters.
I’m hoping today I can get some sleep, because with the week I have coming at me – if I don’t get some sleep – I’ll end up sick, and I don’t have time for that.
Remember to tell your loved ones you love them, and Life is tooo short.
In just four days – Oct 11, my baby girl, Tink will be 8.
The plan – to celebrate her birthday on Saturday – take her and her little friend to Chuck E Cheese and let them play for hours….
Sounds good right?
Tonight I got a phone call from my mom, her mom, my Grandma -is in the hospital. Her admitting diagnosis? Acute Renal Failure, CO2 retention, URI, Congestive Heart Failure..
Reality – she probably has 24 to 48 hours. My heart is breaking. I have certain things I have to do tomorrow at work, once they are done, I want to go to the hospital. I don’t know that I can.
My head knows, that she is ready to go be with Grandpa. She has missed him greatly since the day he died. Why is it that while my head knows things, my heart can’t seem to listen.
I will only have two grandparents left. Only two. When I was born – I had 9 grandparents… And I knew all of them except 1 – he died when I was two. This particular set of grandparents made me feel as if I was the most important grandchild, the most important person in their world. They loved my husband, because I love him. They accepted people into their home, without judging them. They loved each other with their whole hearts… and the world was a better place, my world was a better place because of them.
I am going to miss her. I just don’t want her to die on Tink’s birthday… my great-grandma died on my sweet 16… I’ve hated my birthday ever since, it reminds me of such a sad time…
Somehow in the next few days I have to convince my heart to listen to my head. I have to find a way to say it’s okay…
(You know this whole circle of life thing – it really sucks. It just plain sucks)
Look – breast cancer sucks. It’s painful, the treatments make you sick, you lose your hair, you vomit, you are weak, dizzy, etc. etc…. sometimes the “cure” can cause other issues that make losing your hair, the least of your worries. Please be pro-active. Do monthly exams.
Know what is normal, and what isn’t. If you find something that isn’t, and you don’t like what the doctor says – ask for a second opinion. Because seriously, sometimes a second opinion is a good thing.
Don’t want to do it? Can’t be bothered?
Ask your spouse, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.
