A week ago, I had the strangest phone call from my Baby Bro M. He called to say making babies in petrie dishes is not an exact science, and that it didn’t work (again). His wife lost one at 6 weeks, they are giving her meds to help the miscarriage along. (She had an appointment sometime this week).
It was a sad phone call, because while M has always loved other people’s kids (”they leave at the end of the day”) I think he is finally realizing that he wants one of his own, and while he’d never admit it - he really wants a boy - he is taking it hard.
That was at 7:00 - by the time we hung up - at 11:30 we had discussed everything from him being the lead man when a co-worker lost his arm in a machine, and the stuff that goes with that… to upcoming family weddings that neither one of us are attending…. to whether or not Mr. Incredible is my friend.
Yes, I married my friend - I enjoy being with him and spending time with him. I know, it’s corny - but deep down I know he is my everything - and that he completes me. I told M some of the best marriages that I know, the husband and wife are friends, they enjoy some of the same things, and enjoy spending time with each other. He doesn’t know that his marriage can take much more of this not getting pregnant. There are times that I just want to give him a big hug…he is a good man, and he feels so bad because he can’t make his wife happy - all that she wants is a baby…and no man is going to be able to give her that.
But it got me thinking - what do you think makes a marriage last?
11:13 pm
It’s not just one thing that makes a marriage work…it’s a combination of many things.
2:44 am
I married my best friend. 26 years later we are still best friends and love the time we spend together.
Laughter is important too…..you just got to have a sense of humor about some things.
5:41 am
Wow. I think it is many things. Love, trust, friendship, devotion…
7:06 am
I married my best friend… I think one of the things that makes our marriage work is we are not jealous of our independent activities. So many couples have to do everything together…
7:57 am
being friends is essential in making a relationship last.
And being able to laugh is also important……
8:05 am
I think being best friends and wanting to spend time together is definitely at the top of our list.
Also having patience and a sense of humor, having a similar outlook on most of the “big issues”, being willing to compromise, and loving each other as much as we can.
8:06 am
Well… You know I married Coffeehusband when I was 18 and had just graduated High School 6 weeks earlier. Ummm, yeah, I married my best friend. LOL.
Actually it’s funny cuz even when I’m mad at him as a ‘husband’ over something, he’s still my ‘best friend’ in a totally difference sense!
8:23 am
I am with my best friend after 13 years. I think that is the most important basis to a relationship that you can have.
8:43 am
being friends is at the top of the list, having fun, laughing over silly things, being ok with the others oddities….I met my hubby almost 11 years ago (August) and we have been married 10….I cannot imagine being without him…
9:16 am
Mike is right, it is a work of many many things, but I think it starts with a good friendship base to build on.
Everyones relationship is different. We have been together for 16 years, since we were 19 yrs old. That’s when we had Mikey. It was especially tough starting out with the instant family, but it has worked so far. Mine works because we are friends, lovers, partners ect….
Also, we don’t make huge demands on each other. I don’t tell him he can’t go out fishing all weekend and he doesn’t tell me that I can’t have the girls over to scrapbook all day when his race is on. (he goes upstairs to watch TV). I think in any relationship there has to be understanding and give and take going BOTH ways.
Umm, now are ya sorry you asked?? LOL!
10:15 am
I think you have to love to be around the person that you marry. You have to enjoy and cherish the time you spend together. I married my friend but you also have to be 100% committed to each other.
10:20 am
All the above and then some!! I know it’s going to last because come the middle of the day, I can’t wait for hubby to get home from work. It’s almost like when you were a kid, and can’t wait for a friend to come over and play. That’s how I am when I wait for my husband to come home at the end of the day. I love to spend time with him and watch him spend time with the kids. It’s also great when you can fart really loud and he laughs with you!! lol But I do have to say that trying to get pregnant can put a real strain on a marriage. For 3 yrs. we tried for our 2nd son. It becomes a whose fault is it now, why do we have to be like this kind of thing. It’s soooo hard! But I hope they get pregnant soon, or figure a way to work with the situation that has been handed to them!! Good luck to them!
1:28 pm
My wife and I share the same sense of humor and a love for the little boy.
3:11 pm
Commitment! Yes, my husband and I are friends and we have fun together but that doesn’t mean that our marriage is perfect. Regardless of how mad I get at him, one thing remains the same: I commited myself to be his wife for life. To be his help-mate. And for me that means doing little things to help him out even when I don’t want to. We compliment each other’s personalities and that helps us too.
Has your brother considered adoption???
4:46 pm
oh, you have to be friends. That is the most important thing. Because then you can laugh when you do his laundry. Because laughter is the only thing that will get you though doing a man’s laundry…
5:04 pm
I married Mr. Dadguy after a whirlwind courtship, and every year I am struck with a deeper understanding of what an amazing guy I hitched my wagon to. Really, when I married him? I had no freaking idea. He makes me laugh my can off, he has even started to do some off color stuff becuase he knows it’ll make me laugh.
5:07 pm
Gosh, there are so many things that are needed to make a marriage work. I think loving the person completely is very important but also the willingness to compromise…that is a MUST!
They are in my prayers.
6:55 pm
Wow, I could make the big laundry list of all the things, but I would honestly say the most important is if you think this is the person you want to marry…..do you think you could still sit home all night when you’re both 80 and have a great conversation?
Oh, and if they are too old to wipe, would you do it for them?
7:01 pm
Mike - I agree - it takes a good combo of things.
Bear - I love to hear of long marriages - Laughter is good - we laugh alot.
Mr. Fab - devotion - that’s a plus…
Shannin - Mr. Incredible and I do a lot together - but then he also has his friends and I have mine and we do separate things - which I like.
Laura - agreed!
Blogarita - good points.
meritt - I thought of you when I was posting this - I knew you married your best friend…
Debby - 13 years is a long time - I think that is great - from what I know of the two of you - you are great together!
jodes - “I cannot imagine being without him”….that’s how I feel about Mr. I.
EA - Never sorry I asked - because you guys and gals are full of great ideas…
Jennifer - I think it would help to like to spend time with them too - I mean 50 years is a long time if you don’t like the person.
Choppzs - I know what you mean - there are days when I can’t wait for the garage door to go up….
Pro-D a sense of humor can really help things along.
Tamara - I know of no one that has a perfect marriage…adoption? yes it’s been brought up…
Kristen - laughter is what gets us through many things - I’ll try laughing tonight while doing his laundry…lol
Bon - You have to have a sense of humor - and I’m glad Dadguy compliments yours.
Momyblogr - Thank you - they need all they can get right now…
Me - you newlywed - that’s true - got to be able to talk!
10:54 pm
I think that what makes a marriage last is just the tenacity to stick with it. There are times where it’s not sexy, romantic, or even fun- but you keep on keeping on.
Having done that and weathered the rough spots makes the good times that much better.
I do know that infertility can put an incredible strain on any marriage.
11:10 am
i agree with all the comments above- marriage is hard work, but worth working for! i have them in my prayers as well, i can’t imagine how frustrating that must be. i hope they find a way to support each other and find happiness.
2:33 pm
Communication.
Mutual respect.
Sexual attraction.
The corny “completion” or yin-yang thing.
I think it’s a delicate recipe that has to be worked at by two people who want it.