“There’s a luggage limit for every passenger on a flight.
The same rules apply to your life.
You must eliminate some baggage before you can fly.”

~Rosalind Johnson

There’s a little truth behind every just kidding,
a little curiosity behind every just wondering,
a little knowledge behind every I don’t know,
and a little emotion behind every I don’t care.

We are having some issues with our insurance.  I noticed that things where not correct this summer.  I talked to the gals at the local office – they were going to straighten it out.  I called a month later – and things were supposed to be worked out.  Then we had a claim – hail storm – and the adjuster said we had hail damage on half the shingles, and all four sides of the gutters (the gutter are 3 inches wide – but only 8 squares of a 16 square roof had damage – I DON”T THINK SO… idiots.)  and how do you only repair 1/2 a roof?  (BTW – they are coming to re-eval the roof and talk to the contractors to see why the think there is hail damage on at least 14 sqs.)

Wednesday night we had a phone call from the insurance agent assistant so I call her this morning, she asks me to stop by.  She explains that we have until November 1 to come up with roughly $600 or we have no auto insurance.

Long story short – the insurance company screwed everything up, stopped taking out our monthly payment, sent us a refund and essentially –  its screwed up.

But if we want Auto insurance – and it’s required in our state – we have to pay roughly $600 by November 1.   I asked for options, payment arrangements, anything… nope – they are requiring it by November 1st.  Her hands were tied.

Okay, I took a deep breath… and because I’m a horrible person who is slightly overwhelmed with what is going on in my world… I had tears in my eyes (and that pissed me off).  I told her – I had to leave.  I appreciated all that she had done.  I appreciated her time, if she could please put together a quote for any other insurance company except for X – we would want to switch, if I never saw another piece of paper from that insurance company it would be perfectly fine with me.    I apologized that I was loosing my cool, and I had to leave before I said something I would regret.  I think I mumbled something along the lines of Mr I works for Company X (which has been all over the news with cuts and none of the employees truly know whether or not they have jobs – they said he was safe, but the rules of that game are changing daily.) and I work for company Z – (which is also in the same boat, and everyone in town knows what is going on there).  So I apologized for being a little stressed.

And I left.

I went to work.

I got pulled into an office, to get my ass chewed off, for something that in 6 working days I will have nothing to do with, and frankly I don’t give a damn about.  As I’m walking out of that office – I get pulled into another and get chewed out for not having report XYZ completed  – which for the record can’t be completed until I have a report from the bank and that doesn’t come until the 25th of the month…. idiot and in 6 working days – not gonna be my problem.

And I finally make it to my office and my phone went to voice-mail.

It was the Insurance Agent, could I please call him.  I thought it was work related, so I called him back.

He knew I was in the office that morning, and heard my conversation, he was just coming out of his office to talk to me when I walked out.  He is going to pay our bill to the big insurance company.  He just asks that over the next 6 months that I pay him half.  I told him I could come up with half by the first of the month – just not the full amount.  He said – well, after the holidays – you can pay me the half… don’t worry about it… he felt it was partly his office’s fault.  (I don’t think so – I think the big company is where it was messed up – his office staff is top notch).

I was speechless, I think I mumbled a thank you.

I will pay him back in full.  It may take awhile – but it will happen.

This whole job thing has me in such a funk, that I didn’t even post about the good things that are going on.

Tink turned 7 on Sunday.  She was soooo very excited, and happy that her day had finally arrived!

She had a great day!  Went to the movies on Saturday with a friend, Mr. I made her favorite – baby back ribs, ’smashed potatoes”, corn and bread.  She requested that I make her a cake from ’scrap’, but decided to go with scratch instead.

Can’t believe it’s been 7 years, it’s gone fast.

Tonight went to a pizza place, and the balloon guy was there – he made her the coolest  Birthday Hat – even with a candle… the smiles were huge!

She has had an awesome few days!

got my “thankyouforinterviewing, but we went with …. letter on Saturday….. if we didn’t have plans to take Tink and her little friend to the movies I could have easily crawled back to bed and stayed there….
sucky day.

It hit me today – I have 17 days left.

The co-workers from the contracted position that ends on the Nov 1st are wanting detailed step-by-step of what I do
I am…conflicted… they feel that they don’t need me, so why would I tell them what I did and HOW to do it.  If they don’t need me – they can figure it out on their own, but that is not how I am, so I will give them a list, and tell them how… but I’ll be upset with myself for doing it.

I just spent the past two days at the “central office” going through training on updates to the accounting system, etc.  Apparently no one told the trainers that I’m being eliminated.  I did ask my “so-called – I.think.he.is.my.boss.but.i’m.not.sure”  and yes they would cover the expenses and yes I should go, so I did.  I spent the whole time in the meeting feeling as if I was wasting my time, and thinking, well crap, is this really important?  why should I try to even begin to understand, because in 17 days, I might not be there anyway.  (And that attitude?  is not mine)

I spent the day at a conference that I normally love, because it is an opportunity to meet with counterparts and celebrate all that we do – because we understand what we do, wondering if I should be saying “good-bye, I’ve loved having the opportunity to work with you, and I appreciate all that you have done to help me, etc” – or if  “see-ya next time, and talk to you on the next connect session”… is good enough?

I went with the “see-ya”… I don’t want them to know.  I’m not strong enough yet.  I can’t even type that I “might not be there” without tears in my eyes, I am completely heartbroken over it.  Even after all the crap I’ve been put through, even after all the BS I’ve put up with….I can’t visualize myself somewhere else.  How does a person do that?  How does a person after they have put their heart and soul into a project/job etc just be done, and let someone else take their “baby” and watch them screw it up?  I don’t know how.

I spent the afternoon of the conference informing a presenter, that perhaps she might want to re-think her presentation.  The group she was presenting to, just wasn’t engaging her, they weren’t responding to her questions etc.  No one wanted to tell her the truth, that six months ago we were all 5’s, and now – with all the uncertainty that we were facing – we were 1’s and for her to say – if you are a 1 – you need to rethink why you are there – perhaps you need a different job, was demeaning to all of us.

But I did.  I said “I think what you need to do is ask – how we would rate ourselves before April 30th, and how would we rate ourselves now”… amazing how the conversation started, and she got what she wanted, and we got what we needed.  (yeah, I’m not shy)

Now if someone could just tell me how to make it not hurt, and how to make my heart understand “budget cuts”, and it’s not “me”, that “I” didn’t do something wrong, etc…. I’d really appreciate it.

Because I haven’t figured that out yet.  I have not figured out how to make it okay, and I have roughly 17 days to get there.

To be OK.

If I’m not offered the new position (that contains everything I used to do), or offered a new job with a different company within that time frame… well I just have to get there.  I have two kids that are going to be watching how I handle myself, so I have no option but to be successful, or pretend to be.