You’ve got to give a little, take a little
And let your poor heart break a little
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of …. working with kids.

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Warning – this is a Rant, I’ve been chewed out today more than I care to admit.  and on a day when I wanted the kids to do well, and have a GREAT DAY – it just didn’t happen.  I’m cool with that, sometimes things just don’t go well.   What I’m not cool with… is the rest of the story.

Way back in April of 2009, there was an informational meeting, and Pan really really wanted to be a part of this group.  But NONE of the parents wanted to be in charge, none of them were willing to say – “Sign me up”; I’ll do the work.  So I did what any parent, who wanted their child to have an opportunity to do – I said “I”ll do it.”

and the other parents said… “We’ll help”; “you can count on me”… blah blah blah – empty promises except for two.  Mr. Incredible, and one other Dad.

and in September we found out that we received our grant.  Our parts arrived, Pan and I spend an afternoon sorting them by size, shape, color, and project area.

We started having meetings, what took other groups to do in 3 hours? took our group 9.

What should have been group discussions, and believe me we tried to include everyone, but some kids were more interested in their cell phone games, and the DS.   Or wrestling on the floor.  So starting in September EVERY Thursday Night from 6:30 to 8:00 I became a babysitter for 6 kids, and the other 4  wanted to work.  Because of the organization we are associated with, we couldn’t discriminate…we had to let everyone in – and our team is all over the board.

I had four kids that really understood how “big” this project was, and wanted to do well.  One that just wanted a trophy, and the other 5, I don’t know why they were there – I think their parents made them.   I began to dread Thursdays.  Pan began to dread Thursdays.    We had missions that we needed to complete…. and it wasn’t happeneing, but every Thursday, I’d go out unlock the building, and try to get the kids to work on the project… 4 would and the other – well, they had their DS, or they would throw legos across the room… seriously.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we had the 4 that got it work on it from 1:00 until 8:00 pm – we were making progress – got two missions complete… the Saturday and Sunday, Pan, Mr Incredible and I were out there working on it… making progress….  and then we had a meeting… and one my kids with a slight behavioral issue starting making changes to the programming… and saving what his changes over our programs… because he felt that it would work better… and all those hours of work – GONE.  (this is my fault, I should have made copies of all the programs, and saved them somewhere else…)  and no, there was no keeping this kid from the computer, he just shoves others out of the way… I can’t handle that… drives me INSANE.

Today was our “BIG” competition.  We were up 5:30 in the morning, left the house at 6:00 to get to our competition location.  At 6:00 PM I got the first phone call, and at 6:15 a second, and at 6:30 another.  One of the Moms was calling because 1) they couldn’t find one of her son’s shirts, and did I order extras?  NO, because that would be more money coming out of my pocket.  2) One of her sons was having a bad day, and I could hear him yelling at her.  I asked if I could talk to him, and he refused… I told her – he has to either lose the attitude or not come, I wasn’t going to deal with that attitude at competition.  the 6:30 phone call was from another mother, they overslept and would get there when they got there…. yeah.

At the end of the day all that really matters is that we went to competition, we did the best that we could with what we had.

I had two in tears, because they really wanted a trophy – we did pretty well, but not good enough.  I had a few moms tell me that I should have put down on our forms that three of our kids are on IEP’s.  (I wasn’t sure what an IEP was until today when I was informed of what exactly that means…)  But this competition isn’t about making excuses as to why they kids aren’t as good as the other kids, it’s a celebration of what we discovered, as a TEAM.  And as Pan said – “Mom, they got as much out of it, as they put in it.  And some of them didn’t put anything in.”

Wow… he’s 9.  and he knew that they didn’t do the research, they didn’t do what was asked of them, they didn’t work together as well as they could have.  They perhaps whined a little too much, and goofed off a little too much, when they should have been putting in a little more effort to get there.

The hardest thing… the kids that did work, the kids that tried, and cared…. their poor hearts broke a little…

There are days where it’s all about how long you can hang on.

Keeping up with someone who is older, has more experience, and had proven that they can do it.

So with determination – to step up – you take YOUR turn.

You bite your lip.

squeeze tighter.

kick harder.

Determined to hang on longer.

but in the end you realize, that hanging on isn’t everything.

and it’s okay to giggle a little

to smile

to let go

to live.

Because is the answer to the question – “Why?”

Because is the answer I give my kids, when I don’t want to take the time to find the answer to their “whys?”

Because is the excuse I give for the why I didn’t walk on the treadmill tonight, or last night, or the night before.

Because is the reason I haven’t put up our tree, or decorated the inside of the house for Christmas

Because is the reason….because.

It works as the answer for many things….